


letters unsent.

by perfectkindofmess



Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8619472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectkindofmess/pseuds/perfectkindofmess
Summary: bunch of letters david wrote to gillian but never sent them.





	1. you don't know me yet.

_ Dearest Gillian, _

_ Hi. You don’t know me yet, so let me introduce myself then. My name is David. I’m older than you but you won’t care. You will think I’m beautiful even if I feel ugly inside because I’m broken. And I will be more broken and ugly and fucked up even more but it won’t matter to me because I will be yours. And that’s the only thing that keeps me alive.  _

_ In exactly 23 days, I'm going to see you for the first time ever. You will be sitting on your own, trying to figure out whether you're Mulder or Scully. I'll ask you to run the lines with me and you'll say yes. I'll compliment your acting and you'll blush and smile. I will make a mental note to make you smile as often as possible because, God, you're so damn beautiful when you smile. I will find the urge to ask you out. All I will think about is taking you out to a fancy dinner, dancing maybe. Somewhere with good wine. You’ll get a little tipsy and ask me to stay with you. I will try to be a perfect gentleman and refuse, but nobody’s perfect, you know.  _

_ In 312 days I’m gonna hurt you for the first time. I will rip your heart out and I’ll leave you alone with your tears for the whole night. I’ll stop showing up at the door of your trailer. I’ll stop caring about you. I will get drunk and I will sleep with someone else. Someone who’s name I won’t remember. But I will never stop thinking about you. I will still  see your face, hear your voice and say your name in the sleep. _

_ In 315 days I will understand how badly I hurt you. I will apologize. I will be lucky, and you will take me back. You will tell me you love me for the first time. I will melt down a little bit and say it back. Then I’ll kiss every single part of your precious tiny body and I will mark you as mine. You’ll fall asleep in my arms while I’ll silently cry in your hair realizing I almost lost you. _

_ In 700 days you’re gonna tell me you’re getting married. You’ll say you love him and you’ don’t regret anything. I’ll nod and ask if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. You’ll just smile and then look away. I’ll ask whether he’s the love of your life and I’ll see the tears in your eyes. This will be your answer. I’ll hold you in my arms while you cry. Though you’ll break my heart, I’ll hold my tears. because I know it won’t be over. _

_ In 772 days you’ll tell me you’re pregnant. I’ll say that you and Clyde must be very happy but you’ll stay silent. I’ll be the first you will tell. You’ll be scared of losing your job but I’ll have your back. As always. I’ll  picture you with a little child that I’m dreaming of being mine and it will destroy me. It will make me a different person. A horrible person.  _

_ In 1489 days you’ll get divorced and selfishly, I’ll be the happiest man alive. You’ll fall into my arms again and we’ll fall in love even more. I won’t be tired of being with you and your little one. I will want to hold your hand all the times and it will be very hard for me not to kiss you every waking moment. I will get to see you smile again and hear your laughter which is my favorite thing. Of course, after your eyes. And your breasts. And your butt. You’ll realize how much I love everything about you. _

_ In 1654 days I’ll tell you I get married. Somehow, you’ll just nod and then walk away. Watching you leave will be the hardest thing I’ll ever experience although I’m the reason for that. But don’t worry, I’ll apologize for all of my mistakes. You just have to be more patient. _

_ I won’t count anymore for you but you have to know one thing. Our story is very, very long. You’ll think that you’re tired of it, you’ll want to quit, leave me and want me to let you go. Yes, we’ll have a lot of arguments. You will see me on set and you’ll run away crying at the sight of my wife. Your heart will be broken when I’ll tell you we’re expecting a child. You’ll be destroyed when I’ll tell you I’m leaving our show. We won’t keep in touch for some time.  _

_ But time will pass, don’t worry. Once we meet, we’ll never get tired of each other anymore. We’ll always be seeing each other from time to time and we’ll become best friends. But one day, we will both realize we still love each other. One evening, you’ll tell me you love me, I’ll tell you I love you too. We’ll be missing each other. We will think that time isn’t on our side. You’ll get married again. I will have issues. You’ll be there to help out me and I’ll be at your side too. _

_ Hold on, Gillian. We haven’t met yet but I promise you that after over 20 years, I’ll be still there, and one day, I’ll promise you that I’ll never leave again. I will keep that promise because I’m the love of your life. And you are mine. You’re my soulmate. My best friend. My lover. My future wife. _

_ Hold on, darling. 23 days and we’ll meet. And our lives will change forever.  _

_ 23 days. I can’t fucking wait to meet you. _

_ Hold on. _

_ Faithfully yours, _

_ David. _


	2. what makes us special.

_ Dearest Gillian, _

_ I’m lying in my bed right now, listening to the silence and staring at the ceiling. I’m counting the minutes passing by and I’m realizing that  I’ve spent all the time thinking about you and what I should tell you. There are many things you should know but I don’t know how to put them on paper. One says actions speak louder than words, and I guess it’s true because I’d rather show you my love than say the words. _

_ It’s really hard to describe how I feel about you. It’s weird because I’ve never felt this way before. Sure, I’ve been in love, more than once. I’ve been married for 14 years so I must know something about love but this, that thing between us… it’s something different. Bigger than love. Much more beautiful. It’s just an indescribable feeling that gets me feel like I’m high all the time. It’s a new level of love and it feels fucking good. _

_ I don’t know what makes us so special. We are just two old people being crazy in love. When we’re together, the mornings are  lazy, we take our time to look at each other and appreciate the other half. We tend to wake up each other by kissing. I’m very fond of the way you wake me up – when your little hands reach my cock and seconds later, when I sleepily open my eyes and hum with pleasure, your mouth sends me to heaven.  _

_ In the mornings you smell like coconut, my own frangrance and coffee. I would kill to breathe this perfect combination every single day. When I’m lying like that alone, I feel sad. You should be here with me or I should be there. Why is it so hard for two people to be together when they want it so badly? I need you by my side because I’m going crazy, Gillian. I don’t know how long I can take it.  _

_ Naked and smiling. That’s the first image of you coming to my head. I love picturing you lying naked on my bed, legs opened only for me. You’re calling my name to come closer and take you hard. And just your voice makes me sweat and tremble. And as I come closer in my mind, the picture becomes blurry. It’s been too fucking long since I’ve seen you, baby. But naked and smiling – that’s the happiest you are when you’re with me. And this smile you’re giving me makes me love you even more, even though I don’t know how it’s possible to love you more than I already do. _

_ 20 years ago you promised me the whole world. You told me you were mine and you promised that we would always be together. Well, you lied. And I know that I was the reason you couldn’t keep that promise, it was all my fault but still, it was a lie. I’m thinking – what if I haven’t gotten scared? What if we didn’t say too much? What if we were stronger and braver and I wasn’t so stupid? I know you can’t find the answers to those questions but sometimes I want to know the truth. Why was I such a coward? And the bigger mystery is why are you in love with me again? _

_ You always sleep on the right side of the bed. It’s my favorite side when I’m alone, too. Because after you leave, it still smells like you. It’s just for a few days, but I’m still surrounded by your sweet scent. when it’s gone, I spray your perfume  over the pillows just to have a little reminder. West says I’m lovesick and I think she’s right although I don’t want to admit that.  _

_ I’m trying really hard to function without you. I get up, exercise, have breakfast, write something for my new book and I try to pretend I’m not missing you. That I don’t want to jump in the car and drive to the airport and take the next plane to London only to see you for a minute, to hold you in my arms, watch you while you’re putting your make-up on. I love watching you trying to draw a perfect line under your eyes. It always ends up with you sticking out your tongue, trying to be more precise.  _

_ I don’t want to have that kind of thoughts, Gillian. I don’t want to think about jumping in a plane to see you. I don’t want to think about your face. I want to see it. Your perfect deep blue eyes that seem to hide the secrets of the world. Your lips that I never want to stop kissing. Your tiny body that fits so perfectly with mine. I want to be with you, every moment of my life because it’s too short to spend it apart.  _

_ I  just want to pack and fly to London. I miss you so fucking much. I just want the world to stop spinning for the moment, I want to take you into my arms, whisper in your ear and tell you how much I love you. Sometimes actions speak louder than words but still it’s better to say it from time to time. I love you, Gillian. I want to whisper those three words against your breasts when you’re naked and smiling. .  _

_ I want the world to stop spinning and the time to stop, as well. I want to be just you and me because that’s the most perfect thing. You are perfect and I’m just me – just a little broken human who you’re trying to fix every time you see me. I’m a little less broken every time I see you. One day, I’ll be perfectly fine and I will never leave you again. _

_ I have to get up now. Kids are coming over for the weekend and I need to clean the apartment. I just wanted to say that I’ve got a ticket to London so you better wait for me. _

_ Oh, and I love you. _

_ That’s all I wanted to say. _

_ I’ll see you soon, Gill. _

_ Love. You. Like. Hell. _

_ David. _

**Author's Note:**

> did you like it? if so, go ahead and leave a comment <3


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